Fat Lip

Here's a series of e-mails from today... By the way, I'm one of the kelly brothers

McMahon: "Ummmm, so what happened this weekend boys? Kelly brothers are going to need to fill in some gaps."

Ron: "Crackbaby talked sh$t to a much larger man. He was punched in the face, then BK came to his aid. BK was punched several times in the head. He escaped with a few bumps, but most of his face was left unscarred. Crackbaby has a fat lip, and I believe that BK is a bit peeved with Crack's antics. However, I also believe that BK doesn't really mind much, because he got to act all "Uncle Hank".

Brickbaby is a f*cking poser. We drank vodka, whiskey & beer yesterday as well. You're definitely the type of homo that would be seen drinking out to those horribly uncool aluminum Bud pint bottles. You parents should be completely ashamed of your greasy, Michigan taint.

And for all of your rants about religion....I'd like to point out, to our entire group here, that Chris Brickley was raised as a Christian Scientist. Yes, that's correct, he doesn't believe in medicine, or caffeine. Chris believes that all you have to do is pray, and you'll feel better. So, Crackbaby, tell your Dad that his profession is worthless, and all doctor's will soon starve, because the Brickley's and the rest of their CULT have discovered this new way to heal...you just have to ask God, and he'll fix everything. I'm willing to bet that Chris also prays that he'll win the lottery."

Crack Baby (me): "Yeah, fat lip, scraped up face, and it hurts to swallow. If you wanted any details however, I'm not going to be able to supply any. BK just came in to the conference room and showed me his finger, which looks pretty bad. He told me that the guy was crazy chelsea's (not newman, the chick that used to work at the BrewCo) boyfriend. So that's all I know.. Oh yeah, and my right a$$ cheek hurts pretty bad too, so it's entirely possible that I literally got my @$$ kicked.

You're welcome.

If anyone has any details they wish to share concerning everything after, oh, say, 12:00, they would be appreciated."

Me again, fifteen minutes later: "Okay,

here's what BK just told me. He said that we left the bar, and were walking to my car or something. Only I walked up to the wrong car, some other jetta, and my key wouldn't work. The b!tch whose car it actually is walks up and starts screaming at me, because I'm obviously trying to steal her car and she just caught me. I tell her to shut up. We're walking to the other side of lasalle, because that's where I put MY car, and on our way, we walk past chelsea and her boyfriend (who just got finished with his house arrest) and cassie. Dude says something to me about the screaming girl and her car and stuff, and I spout off something to him. We keep walking and he turns around to come after me, pushing down cassie in the process, jacks me in the face. BK pushes him off of me and got in his face, at which point Chelsea starts yelling at BK saying things like "what did you do to me??" in an apparent effort to further enrage her psychotic boyfriend, who begins to try and punch BK in the face. Fortunately, BK was raised on the mean streets of St. Louis and New Orleans, and knows that the top of your skull is very hard and a stupid place to punch someone, so he lowers his head each time a punch is about to come sailing in, and did some serious damage to the guy's hand. I'm pretty sure that, once again, all of this was started by some little b!tch who overreacted because she wanted to be dramatic. Typical.

Brickley: "Now that's good sh*t. Thats wb sh*t. Thank you, Brothers Kelly, for getting into some wild sh*t and making my day better with the story of it. I totally respect fighting - and nominate both of you for co-wb of the month. I seriously doubt any of you will do anything cooler than that in the next few weeks.

About time something of worth came over the wire. I was really getting tired of text message relationship sagas and Johns relentless blabbering about liquor and jukeboxes."

More Brickley: "It would take two elk tranquilzer darts and one of those poles with a loop on the end to baptize theese nuts.

The only "wild" thing about you b*tches is two rowdy brothers that get in street fights and bang daughters of ex-NFL linemen. And England, who once filled a bong with gasoline. The rest of you are riding on their coat tails and need to think about changing your name to "sad-young-self-centered-emotional-buddies."

Can we use profanity when Davis is on vacation?"


- See? Always thoughtful to the end. That's just how the wild buddies are... I love you guys.